welcome to my worlds

yes, it's yet another world in the christina cosmos.  today i am making cherry crush from the chay.os that has taken over my existence.  after a whirlwind summer we'll chapter title "rock bottom", we're about to close the subsequent chapter called "living in the parking lot of desoto lounge".  with the shocking realization that i hadn't written in my xinaphiles blog in a solid three months - today being the actual three month anniversary of my last entry - we are closing a fiscal quarter, of sorts, on my sanity.

in cerebral celebration of stated anniversary i have decided to honor the schizophrenic side of my existence by dabbling in the duplex inspired dichotomy of separating church and state.  also known as, the professional and personal sides of my existence.  music is both my religion and the greatsest gift i have been given to support myself and my family - it is both my church and my state, so professional & personal boundaries have always been blurred.  i am also of the belief that ultimate oneness, both within the human experience and as a living being one with all matter, is born from the wisdom that there are no boundaries within our existence.  that my art is my work and my work is my life and my life is my art; that if i have an end, it is where you begin, but that we are both worlds without end, amen.  therefore, my life in it's truest form, knows no boundaries in even the most formal existence. 

that belief, however, has had me tripped out of more than a few professional circles over the years and i know that i have been forced to expose and understand the boundaries of others, while learning to build boundaries within my own existence, for good reason and with great purpose.  i realize that the new world order is not necessarily an across-the-board utopia, but rather an infrastructure where we can build pockets of social safety where boundaries are unnecessary.  we will continue to exist in a construct of cultures and crossover that supports creative freedom on all levels, while respecting the expectations of intentional communities.  within the band of transition that i find myself, i am going to attempt on this day 11.25.11 (2.7.2 ~ 11 ~ 2), to accept the balance learned through dichotomy and to create and maintain both a "professional" blog (www.xinaphiles.blogspot.com) and a "personal" blog (www.theXphiles.blogspot.com).  while i make no gaurantees that one or the other will not be offensive - through sentiment, semantics or sexual innuendo - i suspect you will find my extremes more safely confined to this blog.

for now, i am calling it "for your eyes only", with the psychic assumption that if you find yourself here, it is with an innate curiousity to dig deeper.  i will attempt to keep the xinaphiles brimming with more positive and mainstream-appropriate insights, while containing here the musings that delve into the mental twists and turns of my psyche that may have severed a few ties.  however, you as a reader, must respect that my ideas and your ideas of appropriate subject matter might not be defined by the same cultural norms.

soon in my future lies a stage that supports my family by allowing me to create and perform with my lover and life partner.  for now, this systemic experiment in a supported existence has landed me in the center of a dichotomy that bears reflection.  i may reflect in both blogs on the same subject, taking my perspectives from the tree and the burrow, or i may choose two totally different aspects of life, on any given day.  i am learning that while some things are delectable for public consumption, some flavors require more limber taste buds.  perhaps even an eclectic tongue.

i am a human being.  i am a creator.  i am mother and daughter, sister and wife.
i am a performer.  i am a creator.  i am a writer.

i will contemplate.  i will create.  i will wait.

and you?  where in these worlds are you?
are you creating something new too?
find me.  show me your way.
we are creating together today.